It's an amazing thing, how much love you have for your child. While being pregnant your of course like "I love this baby" but its not until he/she is born until you know the true meaning of love. It's true what they say about finally understanding how much your parents love you when you have a baby of your own. This is normally followed by feelings of extreme guilt. Its like an ah-ha moment .." ohh I get it.. wait, I'm an asshole." It's weird to have only known this little person for two weeks and be willing to do anything to make him happy. It's so surreal.. I'm a real mom, and he's my real baby, and this dream I had my whole life actually came true.
Two weeks ago at this very time I was in labor and delivery knowing my baby would be here any minute. So this two week birthday for my little boy, I fully expected to be downing a bud light and frolicking around.. but instead I find myself a lot more sentimental (hormones happen) and missing Eric more then ever.
Two weeks ago today..
I just can't believe our little boy is two weeks old. So far, motherhood is a little different than I expected. I mean, I really don't know what I expected. I have somehow morphed into super nervous highly anxious second guessing myself constantly new mommy. I want to enjoy the little moments more, I want to cuddle him longer, and I want to not freak out when he fusses. Im hoping that the more I get used to being a new mommy, the more I trust my gut.. can breathe deeper and just relax. I've learned that things don't have to be perfect, they don't have to be textbook. I just don't know why I'm so nervous. I've been a nervous emotional wreck since Eric left, the fear of messing up. Spoiling him. Not knowing what to do when he won't stop crying. Being so sleep deprived I won't be taking care of him right. It's hard when your baby can't say "Mom, I prefer sleeping on my nap mat or in my bassinet rather then this swing" or " Mom, I'm screaming because I just crapped myself not because I'm hungry or want my passie" I'm Figuring this mommy thing out, and luckily Liam is a pretty well behaved little fella.
He was worth the nine months of pregnancy.
The whole crazy 43894729 hospital visits.
and I would do it again in a second.
He's perfect!
wait so you would do it again? Does this mean I can have another niece or nephew!!? PLEASE!!! hehe...and yes cherish every moment. its crazy all the advice people give you and you kinda shrug it off but really they grow up so fast. I cant believe how much Ainsley is doing already!!! Before you know it you and I will be giving them their 18th birthday party! Ahh! And part of your nerves is really your hormones right now. expect that for the next few weeks still. But its also just being a new mommy. Lucky for you, you have a pretty great mom right there to help you out!! Try doing what your doing completely on your own!!! Luckily I spent two years in a nursery, I think I would be a crazy wreck if I hadn't have had that experience! Miss you and Liam!! Wish I could come down when Ainsley goes down there monday!! Hope she is not too fussy! She has been pretty good lately!
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